Cultivating Loneliness?

Yesterday I picked up an old issue of Conception Abbey's seasonal magazine, Tower Topics, from a magazine rack in my office. It was opened to an article I had been meaning to read for a while - okay, since fall 2006 - by Catholic theologian and writer, Father Ron Rolheiser. It is a short little column, but the thrust of the essay, titled "Cultivating Loneliness," really struck me.

In the essay Rolheiser discusses the Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard and how throughout his life he refused to avoid suffering. In fact, at key points in his life he knowingly and intentionally leaned into suffering, specifically loneliness. Why? Because he believe that by entering his loneliness he was able to touch the suffering that exists at the heart of human life. His ability to identify with what is common to all human experience, namely pain, is what makes his writing so exceptional and touching.

Rolheiser references Albert Camus' idea that "it is in solitude and loneliness that we find the threads that bind us together in community." For Kierkegaard, loneliness gave his soul depth. If we are willing to be present to ourselves in loneliness, refusing to anesthetize ourselves, then we will learn something of who we are. Rolheiser writes that "...by being introduced more deeply to ourselves we are also introduced more deeply to each other...[Kierkegaard] felt that what he had to give to the world came a lot from his own loneliness and that he could share more deeply in other peoples' loneliness only if he felt that loneliness himself."

I believe it is only when we are willing to enter our pain and stay there that any measure of true healing can take place - both our own and that of others as well. Why? Because I believe that it is often in our pain that we come face to face our limitations and maybe, for the first time, look beyond both ourself and our pain to find God there with us. I believe that is pain/suffering/loneliness where true compassion is birthed. I think this is what the Apostle Paul is up to when he writes that God is the God of all comfort, "who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves received from God" (2 Corinthians 1:4). But not just that. I also believe that pain/suffering/loneliness is also where true creativity is birthed. Rolheiser says as much, quoting Kierkegaard, then opining beyond that quote towards what is to me a hopeful conclusion:

"'What is a poet?' Kierkegaard once asked. His answer: 'A poet is an unhappy person who conceals deep torments in his or her heart, but whose lips are so formed that when a groan or shriek streams over them it sounds like beautiful music.' Loneliness is what makes us poets, mystics, artists, philosophers, musicians, healers, and saints."

You can read Rolheiser's original article here, as well as a subsequent article he wrote about discerning when cultivating loneliness becomes not a fertile sadness that benefits others but instead an unhealthy, "sterile sadness that drains energy out of the world."

Comments

[katie]

thank you for this.

[Katie D]

Ah, loneliness. An ongoing theme in my life as people move out, get married and leave Lawrence. Those are often the most difficult, yet fruitful times in my life spiritually and artistically. Kierkegaard expresses this common human experience well. Thanks for the link.

[Robert Benson]

TIM —

Your good piece called this quote to mind . . .

Where does the life of prayer lead? Toward the end of the journey inward, after one has met Christ and shared his cross, one enters a land of loneliness…. There are no words for this. The land of loneliness is the land of joy. It is the land of union with God. The land of loneliness is the land of hunger for God. The land of loneliness is one of belonging to God and understanding that God alone matters. The secret of this land is that the hunger for God grows in you like fire.
— Catherine de Houeck Doherty

Be in touch.

R. Benson
thelongpew.com

[TJ]

I thought compassion was fruit of the Spirit. Isn't God able to help us be compassionate even if we are experiencing good?

I see lots of people whom God has blessed with plenty, turning and sharing it with others who are in need. Is that not compassion?

[Amber@theRunaMuck]

Thank you for these gorgeous thoughts here; they are true to my experience.

[Stephanie]

Beautiful post.