A Place of Mourning

A friend of mine had surgery yesterday. I went to hang out in the waiting room with her folks and on my way into the hospital a man passed me by.

He was a middle-aged man, with salt and pepper hair and as I watched him approach me I knew he was looking right past me. He walked like a man in a heavy mist: he was dazed and I had to step out of his way or we might have collided. Collided may not be too strong a word because while he seemed dazed, he seemed angry at the same time, but in a unfocused and diffused kind of way. He was moving slowly carrying a few things in him arms. Then I saw someone else coming up behind him, uncertain and keeping a distance of about ten feet. He was trailed by a teen-aged girl. Though her arms were empty, hanging by her side, they seemed to carry more than the weight of her whole body - they carried his weight, too. Whereas his eyes were nowhere, her eyes were tightly focused on him, and brimming with tears. She moved so tentatively. I don't know for sure, but if I had to guess, they had both just lost someone: he a wife, she a mother. She needed him so badly, I could feel it coming off of her. But he was lost. Unavailable. His own grief swallowed him whole and left nothing for anyone else. I wanted to yell at him, "Turn around. Pay attention. Don't lose her, too." Instead I knew that she would have to be the strong one. She would have to take up the slack. And so for her I grieved and I prayed, "God have mercy." And for him I prayed a solace that would comfort and overflow and reach out and take in this little girl, this daughter so potentially alone.

Comments

[Laura]

32 years ago I was that girl and my father was that man. it is a very hard place to be in and the scars last a very, very long time. pray well. it is much needed.

[Jan Bros]

That was me too, some thirty six years ago. Thanks for noticing them. Thanks for praying. I wonder now how many people noticed me and prayed.

[bob]

cantletgo is verysmallloudcool.

[Tim Keel]

Yeah, I discovered this artist online named Sam something: you can find more of his art at http://www.explodingdog.com/

[Tim]

You just described my little sister, Debbie trailing my Dad. Next month it'll be five years since my mum died. Debbie was only 6 at the time. I'm still not sure he's noticed her behind him.

[Christina]

My mom passed away a little over 5 years ago now. While I was 22 at the time I was still living at home - or living at home again - and was VERY close to my mom and not so close to my dad. My dad and I were the only 2 in the room with her when she went. We actually made the decision to not revive her a second time after they revived her once and she died again. We made that decision together and it was the hardest thing I have ever done - to relinquish all selfishness in me, all my wants and needs of keeping her with me here: tangible and real. That was a turning point. I needed my dad so badly then but I was the strong one. Even though I have 2 older sisters I went with him to the funeral home, I went with him to speak with her pastor. I made sure he was okay. All the while neglecting my own need to grieve. Just within the last couple years my dad and I have started building the relationship we never had and I always wanted. Thanks for sharing this.