Some "Final" thoughts

Being a fan...it's a decision that you make: "I'm going to invest this year," or, "I'm not going to invest this year."

I gave into it this year. Joy and pain.

That may seem lame. If you're a fan, then you're a fan, year in, year out. But it was Syracuse that shut me down for a couple of seasons. It was 1996 and I was in seminary, living in Denver. KU had a great team and they were playing their regional in Denver. I spent $50 I didn't have to see my team win. I think it was in the quarterfinals that we met Syracuse. We had a good team but they took us out pretty early. All game long I had the worst feeling in my stomach. Jim Boeheim and the Syracuse Orangemen dismantled the Jayhawks. Boeheim looked so cocky, so smug. I've never liked him since. And I've secretly feared and resented him. I also decided that I would enjoy college basketball, but I wouldn't give my heart away. Too painful.

For the last two weeks I've been whispering inside, "Not Syracuse. Please, not Syracuse." Syracuse it was. And tonight my fears were realized. We lost. We lost painfully. We could have won. But even so, my attitude toward the Syracuse coach has changed over the last couple of days. ESPN and CBS has broadcast so many human interests stories focused on the coaches that you feel like you live with these people. Maybe he has changed. Whatever. I think I like Jim Boeheim. He survived cancer in the last year. He surrounded himself with his family in the post-game interview. He seemed humble and grateful and gracious. Moreover, he is committed to Syracuse...that's his home. He's not going anywhere. And I can't help feeling that that made a difference. Congratulations to Syracuse, though it kills me to say it.

I confess that I am in pain, but it is nothing compared to what is happening in our world. I have a simple diversion that many people do not. And that's okay I think, if it can be kept in perspective. I'm just glad I decided to become a fan again. It's akin to being alive, if you know what I mean. It's a decision to engage when the threat of disappointment hangs over you. Faith and hope and love, writ small.

So rock chalk Jayhawk. KU. I love this team. My heart is broken because I never expected that much this year. They snuck inside me. I slowly became the fan that woke up when I went to my first and only "Late Night with Larry" midnight practice in 1988, the year they won the title. I was blindsided. The energy and the noise and Danny Manning singing "My Girl" over the P.A. at one o'clock in the morning was intoxicating. I recognize this feeling I feel inside. It is the disappointment of love, trite and silly as that seems. Even if it is one the lesser loves C.S. Lewis describes in his book of the same name, similar in some respects to patriotism, it is love. Something extremely human and good.

I love Jeff Graves. I couldn't stand him when the season began: out of shape, cocky, marginal in skills. But he humbled himself and went to work. He is the man. The guy works hard. He has heart. Nick and Kirk, these guys are friends, which is nice to see. They are also stars, which makes them fun to watch. I will miss their heart. Keith Langford - it pained me to see him foul out, watching him pace on the sidelines.

Finally, I hope Roy stays. That man loves. That man cries. He could rule a dynasty here, rather than inherit one. But to be honest, I'm tired of wondering. If he wants to leave Kansas and go to UNC, then go once and for all. When you love and are betrayed, well...you know. It hurts. I hope he stays.

Joy and pain. I'm a fan. Pretty silly.

Comments

[Steve K.]

From AP: "Choked up, as he normally is when the season ends, Williams uncharacteristically used an expletive when asked about the job during a live postgame interview on TV. 'I've got 13 kids in that locker room that I love,' Williams said before the interview turned testy."

So ... maybe he'll stay??

Hey, man, I feel your pain. Thanks for sharing. It is a nice diversion, though, isn't it? Well, thank God for that.

[Wes]

Being a Kansas City, KS native, I'm very aware of the self-inflicted wounds of fandom. For me, the sharp pain, followed by a day or two of dispondance comes twice a year.

The first comes about now. The Jayhawks did more than anyone expected buy less than we had all hoped and believed.

The second will happen this December. The Chiefs will tip toe up to the edge of greatness. They'll force me to come out of my cynical cacoon and care about them. Then they will lose. Ouch.

I feel your pain, brother. I feel your pain.

But, yeah, it's true. These are just distractions for us children. They don't compare to the actual pain exprienced by grown ups. I guess now it's time to be grown ups again and see who the Lord has put in our paths.

Thanks for the blog. And, P.S. , the Jayhawks won the championship in 1988, not 1998. I know you know that but that's what you wrote in your post. Oops.

[Tim]

Hey guys...thanks for the condolences. Still smarting, especially after today's debacle with the "old" athletic director. Now, for another chapter of, "As Lawrence Turns."